FlorIdA..

I got here on the 19th December. i had so much fun wit Jerry on the 18th..we drove down to the cities wit vitalie and son. dropped vitalie off and went to the mall of America. we ate and went to watch a movie, the day the earth stood still. it was nice, we were really tired though. we left son in the airport and went back to our room. it was such a beautiful room.wish i had more time with him. it was such a beautiful night. i didn’t want the night to end. i had tears in my eyes because i dont know when m ever gonna see him again when he left me in the airport the next morning, i just didnt want to leave. it was too soon and my heart was aching for him. but deep down i thought, im going to be in US and we can visit each other. but reality hit me when i realised that it’s never going to be the same anymore.

i will never be able to call him wheneva i feel like huggin, he is not going to be there when i really need someone there to talk too, never be able to see that smile that brightens my day. hate this distance. i have to move on because i know he is not feeling it that much. he is still in the same place with his loved ones. i am with my family but it’s a bit difficult. i don’t feel belonged here, though they are really nice and try to make me part of them. i think ill be better off in malaysia with pa and ma. it can get a bit depressing at times. i keep myself busy wit the two kids. i feel so obliged and i hate it. i rather live alone with friends where u can do whatever u want at ya own pace.

i guess my aim here is to get done with my opt and work really hard to earn the bucks to support my family and pay up my loans. this is a new phase in my life and the best part is neither my family nor my boyfriend is right beside me. if am home i know my dad will be following for interviews and driving me around. ill have ma to wake me up in the morning and wish me luck. ill have narmz and shanti to make jokes and take all my nervousness away. i miss everyone so much. i feel like a baby so dependent but this is me, i have been brought up like this.

xmas never was that important to me. it was jus another festival in msia. but this time it somehow feels different. wish i was with jerry to celebrate it with him but oh well our roads are different and he has to be in bemidji. even new years he is not goin to be wit me.but he doesnt believe that new year’s have to be celebrated. but for me, the person u spend new year with will be wit you the whole year but guess i wont be wit him. its true though he is goin to be in bemidji and im gonna be here. aiyohh i really hate bein here…i try but ill feel bad leavin here also…watever la!!! fuck it!! will jus do what is right and make my parents proud…